Chapter Text
Akk fluttered his eyes open and his eyes were met with an unfamiliar room. He clearly wasn't dead, the place didn't look like a hospital room either so where the hell was he? His eyes continued to roam around the room, the more his eyes roamed the more the room looked familiar. It felt like he had been there before.
It's feels too homey to be a hotel room
It can't be any of his friend's room. Lord knows he had none of that.
Maybe he did die and he was in hell. Yet it's too peaceful and looks inviting to be hell.
Akk grunted as he tried to sit up. He still had a throbbing headache, which definitely convinced him that he wasn't dead because if he was dead why would he be in such agonizing pain.
He managed to drag his body out of bed and decided to look around the place. He noticed his clothes were changed and he was now wearing a black graphic T-shirt and a pair of black shorts.
He was still feeling light headed, and other than the throbbing headache his body felt like it was a hit by a train reminding him how weak he was.
He had always been weak, it was nothing new to him.
As he kept roaming around the room he came across a painting that looked strangely similar. It was a beautiful painting of a sunset by the beach. It brought up feelings of nostalgia. It was like he had been there before.
He traced the painting gently with his forefinger, while trying to figure out why this painting looked so familiar to him. Why does it feel like home?
Home? Of course! The painting looked like the beach back at his home town in Pattaya.
As his pale, slender forefinger slowly traced the painting he noticed scribblings at the bottom right of the painting. He narrowed his eyes trying to read what was written.
"Aye" Wait that can't be Aye as in Ayan right? It can't be! Why would out of all places would...
Before he could finish his train of thoughts he heard the sound of the door knob click and a familiar voice called out to him.
"Akk... you are awake?"
He turned around and seeing who it was, all of the memories hit him. The reason of of the nostalgic feeling and how familiar the room looked to him. He had been here countless times in the past.
"Aye..." he said softly, staring at this handsome young man with a beaming smile and sparkling eyes.
Aye hadn't changed much, he was still handsome and his smile still lights up a room.
"How are you feeling?" Ayan asked as he slowly approached Akk, and Akk instinctively took a step backwards. Ayan looked at him puzzled at first but broke into a smile.
"What am I doing here?" Akk asked, his voice was a bit low and hoarse and he spoke softly. Ayan smiled and took a few steps towards Akk and this time Akk didn't step backwards.
"You fainted." Ayan answered as he looked into Akk's tired dark orbs. "It looks like you haven't been getting any sleep. Why are you making me worry about you huh big foot?" Ayan said as he caressed Akk's cheek gently.
Akk clenched his eyes shut as he felt Akk's warm soft hand brush against his cheek. He felt a tingling sensation in his stomach and his heart beat raced.
The heart he thought was dead was once again beating vigorously reminding him that he was alive.
"Aye.." he said softly, almost in a whisper. He didn't think that after all these years, the boy infront of him will still have this effect on him.
"You look so pale... why haven't you been taking care of yourself?" Ayan said softly cupping both of Akk's cheeks with his hands and gently caressing his cheeks with his thumbs.
Akk sighed softly, this feeling felt familiar. This reminded him of that breezy morning in his bedroom in Pattaya when Ayan confessed his feelings to him.
He could remember it clear as day when Ayan compared the warmth of his face as a warm cup of coffee. When Ayan boldly told him that he loved looking into his eyes and wanted to kiss him.
He remembered how violently his heart was beating when Ayan's eyes pierced through his soul when he asked him if he could kiss him. Akk sighed softly again before slowly opening his eyes.
And there was Ayan looking at him with the same intensity as he did all those years back. Ayan's brown eyes reminded him of a mountain terrain and nature, they were subtle, but beautiful in every form and season.Those brown eyes that had the warmth of an everlasting hearth.
"Your eyes eyes look tired. Are you tired Bigfoot?" Ayan said chuckling softly his palms still cupping Akk's face. "You always were to hard on yourself." He said softly his thumb now gently tracing Akk's pink pouty lips.
"I want to kiss you. Can I kiss you Akk?" Ayan asked softly. Akk was too stunned to speak so he just stared into Ayan's golden orbs. Ayan leaned closer to Akk's face. The tip of their noses touching lightly. Akk instinctively closed his eyes holding his breath.
"If you don't like it, let me know and I will stop." Ayan whispered softly, his warm breathe brushing gently across Akk's lips. Their lips met and a gentle kiss filled with unspoken emotions was shared.
This felt way too familiar, like de javu. It was a scene that had played inside Akk's mind over and over again throughout the years like a broken record.
Was this one of his dreams? Heaven knows how many times Akk had dreams like this throughout the years. Dreams of being with Aye again, feeling Aye next to him, feeling Aye's lips on his.
Engulfed in the euphoric feeling their lips parted a string of saliva connecting their lips. Akk was overcome with emotions. He didn't want this feeling to stop. He didn't want this stop, even if this was his mind playing tricks on him.
The thought that he might be dreaming or hallucinating crossed his mind but at that moment he didn't care. He felt alive again, his heart was beating so fast making him feel alive, more alive than he had ever felt the past few years.
He cupped Ayan's face and leaned in for a kiss. A gentle yet passionate kiss was shared. This kiss was different, it was filled with feeling, it was filled with meaning, it was filled with hope. Hope that his one true love had come back to him once again.
During the kiss Akk genuinely thought he was dreaming. It made sense to him. After all why would Ayan come back to him after he he broke his heart and left him.
After their lips parted, his hands gently placed around Ayan's neck, Ayan softly said "Can you honestly tell me how you're feeling Akk? Can you?"
Hearing those words Akk came to realize that he wasn't dreaming, he wasn't hallucinating. This wasn't one of those illusions that his mind made up. It was real. Ayan was standing infront of him staring at him lovingly.
He quickly removed his hands from Ayan and shrugged off Ayan's hands from his face.
"I can't...I can't do this again Aye." Akk said softly, averting his gaze away from Ayan. He couldn't do this again, he couldn't involve Ayan in his messy life again. He did it the last time and it left him broken and dejected.
He knew this time if he allowed Ayan back in his life and their love shared the same fate as before he wouldn't survive it this time. This time no amount of therapy, admission to a psych ward or antidepressants would save him.
After he broke up with Ayan those years back and Ayan moved to America, he tried to end his life but failed miserably. He had not only hurt his parents but Ayan deeply.
That was what he was good at after all. Hurting those around him, hurting people he loved dearly.
Ayan quickly encircled him into a tight embrace. Not letting Akk go even though he tried to wiggle himself out of the embrace. Akk couldn't, his body was too weak and fragile from not properly nourishing it.
"I am not letting you go this time Akk. I let you slip from me all those years back, but not this time." Ayan said tightening his embrace on Akk.
Ayan found out that Akk had tried to end his life multiple times throughout the years when they were apart. He learned about Akk's multiple visits to the pysch ward and the unhealthy ways Akk coped with his depression, hence the scars on Akk's arms and thighs.
He hated himself for believing Akk when Akk told him he no longer loved him. He should've stayed, he should've fought for Akk, for their love. He hated himself for leaving Akk alone to suffer through all of this.
When he saw how frail and fragile Akk was at the resturant he was mad. Not mad at Akk, but mad at himself for leaving Akk. Hence he snapped at him and instantly regretted it seeing the pain in Akk's eyes.
When Akk excused himself to the restroom he impromptly followed him and Akk fainted into his arms.
"Aye why are you doing this?" Akk said softly with his voice cracking. He couldn't understand Ayan's actions. Shouldn't he hate him? He broke his heart after all.
Before Ayan could answer him, he felt dizzy again, everything around him started looking distorted.
Of course. His body lacked proper nutrition and he hadn't had his sweet caffeinated beverage for a while so his blood sugar probably dropped.
Ayan helped him move to the bed and brought him shrimp porridge with apple juice. At first Akk resisted eating but after Ayan persistently kept trying to feed him he gave in and ate the entire bowl.
He didn't realize how hungry he was, probably because he had starved himself so much that his body got used to it and missed the stress cues of hunger.
Ayan smiled in satisfaction and handed Akk some pain tablets with some vitamins which Akk complied and drank them.
Ayan was determined to stay with Akk this time. He wasn't going to let him go, he wasn't going to watch him suffer alone anymore. He was going stay by his side.
He was well aware of Akk's stubbornness, that was one of the traits that made him fall in love with him in the first place. He wasn't going to give up this time.
He was willing to show Akk how much he loved him. No matter how much Akk might resist and push him away, he was going to stay. Akk deserved to know how loved he was and hopefully one day he will see himself the way he saw him.
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